I often wonder who is the best parent. Is there someone who does it better than the rest of us. Is there someone who truly has given all the best advice, taught the most valuable lessons, given the most sincere forms of love. We've all been told that nobody is perfect. How do we really know that. Maybe someone is.

If you consider that from the time we're born we are confronted with choice and decision every day. If you track the very first decision we made (or was made for us) there have to be multiple alternatives to that decision. Of all those alternatives, one would be better than the others. Then you make another decision, there would be one outcome better than the rest. I don't know if I believe the possibilities in our lives are endless. I think there is a finite number on the different lives we could have lived. Where would my current life rank on that list?

There are multiple factors that go into "creating" Autism. Some genetic, others environmental. I often look back at different decisons I've made and how they have affected Mia. I think about the type of food I used to eat. In college I literally alternated Taco Bell and Wendy's every day. Years of eating preservatives, red dyes and glycerine. Of course those would affect my eggs. Right? It never occured to me I could have been directly affecting the life of my daughter, I thought it was only my health.

What decisions could I have made in the 28 years before Mia was born that would have made her life better. I know there could've been a butterfly effect from those decisions that may have resulted in her never being born at all, but it's hard to not take responsibility for her Autism.