The Bay Aquatic Park. "Mia stay over here" I yell after her as she's running towards the grassy hill where other patrons of the pool have lawn chairs set up. She bends down and picks up a bundle of pine straw and runs back to us. I'm sitting with my parents at the water's edge. We've parked ourselves next to the large structure that spouts water from an array of pipes. Mia picks each straw off and one by one throws them into the water. I attribute this fascination with sticks in the water to my parents. They have a fountain on their patio. As soon as we pull into the driveway Mia immediately heads to the fountain, along the way gathering sticks to toss into the water. When the last straw is in the water, she's off again. "Mia, I said stay here". She seems to not hear me. I find myself raising my voice to her a lot these days.
There was a time when I thought she might be deaf. She passed her newborn hearing test on the day she was born. When she was a baby, I attributed her lack of attention as "a phase". When we started to feel that there was something different about Mia, a deep down part of me was hoping for a hearing impairement. I thought being deaf was something people wouldn't make fun of her for. Autism is much more difficult for kids to understand, and I worry that she'll be seen as weird.
Our initial round of testing at Children's Hospital proved that Mia had no hearing loss. She and I were put in a tiny room. She was in a high chair in the center while I sat to the side. The technician set off a series of robotic toys from all corners of the room. One was a monkey banging cymbals, another was a tigger doll spinning around. There were also speakers in the walls. High pitched tones were piped in. Mia turned her head each time a new sound was made. My heart slightly sank when I realized she heard fine.
I haven't found my tone yet. The one that will get her to pay attention to me. Merely raising my voice works about fifty percent of the time. In truth, I'm happy she doesn't always respond to me yelling. I don't want to be the type who is always yelling after her kids. I want to find a new angle, Mia will help me with that.
